Whew

I don't even know what to feel anymore it seems. The funeral was yesterday and it was a nice ceremony, I felt the pastor was kind of stiff, but I think others liked him. It was amazing to see all the people come out to support Grandpa and us. I was a little dissapointed in some people, because I felt some were taking advantage of the situation but that's between them and god. I feel a little strange because I havent shed any tears yet. One of my cousin's asked me about why I hadn't and I dont have a good answer. I think maybe because greiving is private for me and I dont need to cry around anyone. I am sad about what happened but more I'm happy. I am truly happy for the man that is no longer in pain, and is with his loved ones that have gone before him.

I am so ready to get back to living my life. Speaking of which, I am starting my regiment of exercising daily again ( i havent been in the gym regularly for the last 3 weeks), I am going to start eating very heathly and watch my calories. I would like to loose another 40 pounds to be more truly satisfied with myself.. I have had a real hard time losing weight this past year. I've been in the gym 5 days a week for the last 8 months and I havent been losing any weight. I think that I am going to ask my doctor to make sure that I dont have other issues or anything.